Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
