dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
