i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
