I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
