oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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