My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
