on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
