his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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