i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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