I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
