I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
