Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
