so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
