Having a random hookup so left but love u
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
