just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize