is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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