I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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