I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
