i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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