I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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