he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
