Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
