Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
