Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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