that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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