i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
