She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
