I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
