just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
