i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
