Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
