Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
