They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
