That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sponge bath it is.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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