We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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