he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize