How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
