Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
