ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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