if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
