I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
