hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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