Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
