Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize