He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
