It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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