Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
