I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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