but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
