Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
