Are we in a gay sports bar?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
