dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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