Don't make out with my wife yet
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
