yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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