i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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