um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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