Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
