I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
