listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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