in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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