There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
