It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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