a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
