The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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