apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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