omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
