our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
