the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
