She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
try to milk me bitch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
