Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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