I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
