it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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