On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
