currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
