FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
