Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
