Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
