Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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