We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
