I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
