I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
