Ambien. No doubt about it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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