you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
