note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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