Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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