I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Randomize