youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
