After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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