Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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