Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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