she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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