Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
