RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Let's paint friendship bongs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
