just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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