I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
