I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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