So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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