omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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