with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
