If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
