Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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