I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You left your phone here
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