I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
