Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize