thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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