I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
