a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
