dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You are the jesus of drinking
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I party with great urgency now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
