Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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