Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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